It’s been eight years today since I lost my husband. Eight long years. Part of me wants to cry and a few tears have already been shed. Will I ever get over it? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am strong. He never coddled me. I hated handling the budget but he said I did a great job so why should he take it over? Because I hated it! He reminded me that he worked long hard hours to provide for us. The least I could do was disburse the money.
He taught me things about cars. No one will rip me off! And he taught me to stand on my feet. I’m standing!
They say most widows are broke in seven years no matter how much they are left. Um, left? What the heck is that? We were broke most of our married life. Has anything changed? No!
But the one thing he left me that is totally priceless is his belief in me and my writing. That belief has kept me going when I wanted to call it quits. It’s kept me writing and kept me pushing forward and following my dream.
I realize I had something that many people never will find. I had true love. I had that incredible unconditional love.That doesn’t mean we never disagreed because we did. It just means we managed to get over it. And most of the time it ended like this.
Are you still upset?
Yes.
Are you going to kiss me goodnight?
No.
Okay.
You know it’s not fair to snuggle when I’m angry.
Yeah, I know.
You know I do love you.
Yeah. Do you still love me?
Of course.
Then why don’t you kiss me goodnight?
Because I’m still angry.
Okay. Just go to sleep. We both have to get up in the morning.
You know it’s not fair when you do that to me.
I know but I love you. Don’t ever forget it.
I’ve never forgotten it!
E. Ayers Weblog 
I have been a widow for 27 years and 3 months. I can assure you that the pain of loss never completely goes away but as you seem to express it does lessen over time. I still hear his motorcycle come up the drive, smell his aftershave and think of things I want to tell him or ask him about. I am lucky in that both my daughters live nearby, the house is paid for and I have an adequate income from his military pensions..
As a military wife I too learned to handle all kinds of things during our career–yes, it was partly my career as well.—things that occurred during his frequent assignments away from us.–ill children, car breakdowns, appliance failure etc.
Yes, that loss will be with us always but as you seem to know, life does go on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As a friend once told me, when you can’t walk, creep but never stop. I don’t want to stop but I don’t always like traveling life’s road alone.
He’ll always still be young and handsome. 🙂
LikeLike
Sending you a heartfelt hug today, E. I’m sorry for your loss eight years ago, but so glad you had a wonderful man who believed in you. Why don’t you toast him with a special glass of bubbly (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) today? I don’t think we ever get over it, but in the spirit of the glass being half full instead of half empty, it’s a great day to reminisce about all the high points and special memories you shared.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much for stopping, Gemma. Adjusting to the single life has taken time. It took me forever to remove my wedding band, but I finally decided I needed to do it. We took our wedding vows seriously and that little bit that says until death…well, I was no longer married. But I treasure the time we had together.
The memories are there but it is the little things that passed between us that I hold dear. That sly smile he’d get when he wanted something. The way he wrapped his arms around me. Those are the memories that are mine and mine alone.
And there are days when I really miss his constant support of my writing. He was not a man to read fiction, but he read every word I wrote. Sometimes we’d lie in bed and discuss upcoming scenes. He was behind me every step of the way.
LikeLike